u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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