wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
