if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
