id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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