i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
