guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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