I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
