I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
