3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
