Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
