i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She's the barista slut.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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