totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
