tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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