you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
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GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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