Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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