I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
