Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
