It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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