Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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