So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
