I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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