Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Pooping to opera.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
