I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
