Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
