I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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