So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
