he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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