mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
