Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
