There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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