i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
