If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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