i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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