I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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