So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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