I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
