She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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