Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
