At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
