normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
