LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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