dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
