She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
