bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
