whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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