the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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