Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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