mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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