And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
