Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So much Jack, so little girl.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
