.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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