Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize