Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
