you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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