im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
