dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.