I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?