I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.