real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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