If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
