break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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