Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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