Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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