I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
