I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
