dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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