she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
