take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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