You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
