she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize