Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
