I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
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It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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